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My Father's Flag

11/2/2022

19 Comments

 
My father passed away on April 1, 2022. Like many people these days, my father was absent during my life. I spent most of my childhood wondering where he was and longing to see him. Over the years, I tried to reach out, hoping that we could start again and build a new relationship. However, there always seemed to be some barrier, so my efforts would yield little to no results. The barrier, of course, was trauma.
Picture
Bonnie Piovesan
I do not have any memories of my father that I could look back on with a sense of pride; he simply was not there to build them with me. So, like many children in my situation, I found something to be proud of to try to redeem my father’s name. My father was a solider in the U.S. Army during the Vietnam War. During a time when many young men were drafted into service, my father chose to enlist to serve his country. I have always been proud of this fact. I do not know what horrors my father faced or which of his actions caused him shame. I do not know what jungle he was in when he was doused with Agent Orange or what humiliations he endured when he returned to his nation. What I do know is that part of my father was left on the battlefield. All of these events were before I was born, but they would have an enormous impact on me for the rest of my life.

The term PTSD was a relatively new term when our soldiers returned from Vietnam, and, at that time, there was not much hope of healing. The trauma of war changed my father, and he began a life of running away. He chose to run away with drugs and alcohol, which only increased his fear and paranoia. At times, my father would disappear from society and live on the streets. He would resurface from time to time with shame in his beautiful blue eyes. For most of my father’s adult life, the mental health world was still in the discovery process of how to deal with trauma and questioning how to provide hope to those suffering with PTSD. Somehow, I always understood that my dad had problems, and this helped me as a child to have some compassion on my father and to fight off resentment at his absence. Later, as my understanding of trauma grew, I was able to apply the compassion and healing of Christ to both my father and my hurting heart.

When I visited the funeral home to finalize details following my dad’s death, they handed me my father’s flag. I have seen many families receive their loved one’s flag, but nothing prepared me for that moment when the flag was handed to me. It was not until that moment that all of the impact of my father’s service hit me, and, of course, the tears came. Tears of pride for the young man who chose to serve his country. Tears of hurt that my father was not able to be my dad during my life. Tears of peace knowing that my father could finally stop running and not have to be afraid anymore.

As I held that flag and cried, facing the fact that my father was gone, I knew that as I walked through the process of grief, I would not walk alone. God understands loss and grief, and He has stated so many times in the Bible that He is willing to walk with us through these times. It still hurts that my dad is gone, but the comfort is that I have a good Father who is always close by. As I walked out of the funeral home with the flag held tightly in my arms, God brought to mind words of hope and of comfort to remind me that He has a plan for heartache and tears. That His plan will be something completely new, untainted by the traumas of this world.

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
​

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:1-5
​
​To all of our veterans and their families: thank you for all of the ways you serve. One day, God will wipe away every tear, but until that day, please remember that your Father is always close by, and He cares deeply for you and I as only a good Father can.
​
In remembrance,
Bonnie
19 Comments
Kevin Kaplan
11/8/2022 05:09:43 pm

Dear Bonnie,

I attended 1st Press for a couple/few months before Pastor Craig moved on. My girlfriend and I decided to look around until a new pastor was selected. But I always enjoyed the times you spoke to us from the stage as well as in postings weekly. We have been back to vist since and are feeling blessed to be in the flock here again.

Your message touched my heart so deeply. To me, it is so clear God had me here this evening to read your message.
Too more than I can share now, but know your shared message and served a big purpose for me this evening.

God bless you!
Kevin

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 12:22:34 pm

Hello Kevin,
Thank you for reaching out about the blog. My hope when sharing this was that others would find comfort as well. I am so glad you are with us here at 1st Pres.

Reply
Carolyn Keefer
11/8/2022 08:20:41 pm

What a beautiful message you have shared with us! Thank you for your open honesty about your past, as well as your amazing reflections upon your Dad's passing. Thank you for sharing this meaningful message which truly touched my heart. Blessings to you, dear Bonnie!

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 12:23:21 pm

Thanks Carolyn,
You are always so loving and thoughtful.

Reply
Linda Jones
11/8/2022 09:43:39 pm

Dear Bonnie,
Thank you for sharing your past. It reflects how you have become a wounderful women and your faith. I have a daughter and son-in-law in the service and I flay a Blue Star banner in my window. It says : The blue star stands for "Hope and Pride",
The gold stands for: "Sacrifice to the Cause of Liberty and Freedom". Serving in the Military Forces is an honor to our country, to our principles and to see our faith.
Bless you and your family.
Bless all our mility forces.

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 12:24:26 pm

Thank you Linda and to your children serving in the military. I am grateful for them both.

Reply
Teri Burch
11/9/2022 09:03:57 am

Thank you Bonnie for a beautiful message of redemption.

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 12:26:30 pm

Thank you Teri,
Redemption is so important to God, He longs to see us restored.

Reply
warren bakes
11/9/2022 03:41:45 pm

Bonnie
there is always a risk in being willing to share. thank you for that. We all have a hole that we're trying to fill. Thank you for the reminder that we are not alone, -----ever!
Warren

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 12:27:51 pm

Thank you Warren,
It was hard to write this blog, but at the same time I wanted to share how what God was doing that day. I am so grateful God is with us always.

Reply
Jackie Velez
11/10/2022 09:23:42 am

Thank you for sharing your story about your Dad and his struggles. Your story made me feel very emotional. My brother also served in Viet Nam and he was not the same when he returned home. For years we had no contact with him because he disappeared and didn't keep in touch. We didn't know how to contact him until we reconnected in 2013. It touched me that you are so willing to forgive your Dad in spite of the deep hurt you must have felt. My Mom and I also forgave my brother and tried to move forward with him although it was still difficult at times we at least had some contact with him. He died in December, 2021 from Covid complications. Agent orange affected his lungs and he couldn't overcome Covid. I am just grateful we had reconnected.

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 12:30:03 pm

Dear Jackie,
I am sorry you lost your brother last year. Our Vietnam veterans and their families have sacrificed much over the years. It touches my heart in many ways to hear there was some reconnection for you and your dear brother before he passed away.

Reply
Becky Clegg
11/10/2022 01:35:11 pm

Bonnie, Thank you for your heart touching story and most of all for who you are as a valuable part of our church family. And my friend! Becky

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 01:27:42 pm

Hello Becky,
Than you for all your encouragement this past year as I have walked through the grief of losing my dad. I appreciate your loving support and encouragement.

Reply
Teresa Brown-Douglas
11/10/2022 02:08:29 pm

Dear Bonnie, Thank you for sharing this tender message of contemplation. It is indeed heart-touching and your threads of compassion, faith, and reassurance were encouraging to all those meandering pathways of grief or struggles and trying to internalize faith, hope, peace, and love on the journey. I am reminded of the saying "walk towards the sun, and the shadows will fall behind." Perhaps the spelling of the word "sun," could mean T h e "Son."

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 01:30:40 pm

Thank you Teresa, and I love your idea of walking towards The Son.

Reply
Sue Lauer
11/11/2022 10:35:44 am

Bonnie, thank you for your transparency and wisdom and for the energy you invested in writing this piece for us. Praying for continued insight and healing for you and your family. ❤️

Reply
Bonnie Piovesan
11/11/2022 01:31:17 pm

Thank you for your prayers Sue, it means a lot to me.

Reply
Dan Lauer
11/11/2022 03:35:27 pm

Bonnie, you wrote this so beautifully and your deep and tender insights are powerful. Thanks for taking the time to share this so carefully. We're fortunate to have you as part of our staff and congregation.

Reply



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